


Infomercial

by watashinomori



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Nonsense, infomercial, trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-20 06:25:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4776947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watashinomori/pseuds/watashinomori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Did you ever ask yourself, how did Voldemort manage to gather so many follower?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infomercial

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Infomercial](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/143045) by Watashinomori. 



> This is the original date this one was published in Portuguese on my Fanfiction.net [ **Published: 03-09-08** ]. And until this date is the work I'm most proud. I won't plan to translate the following fics or another Harry Potter fiction, just this one. Just my baby!
> 
> PS.: I didn't think by the time I wrote it, because I hadn't watch HIMYM, but now I reread. So here's my advice. Read it with the voice of Neil Patrick Harris in your mind! You're welcomed!

_ We interrupt our schedule for a word from our sponsors. _

 

Are you annoyed by your wife always complaining how much more money your neighbors make? Or by your dog never listening to your commands? Ever thought that during your whole pathetic life you never ever had a satisfying vacation? So you are in the right channel and at the right time. We will show you the solution of your lifetime! Work now to Voldie, Inc.! You'll get a bonus salary, paid vacations (better view Azkaban can give), food stamps, transportation vouchers, we'll pay extra hours and the enrollment of your kid in the Slytherin. Only with us you can be at ease while going to war. We guarantee your family won't be threatened by Death Eaters, because you will be a Death Eater! And to won all of that you'll just need to have fun killing random people!  


  
See how easy it is to be part of the Voldie, Inc.! Go to the  nearest  dark alley from your home and talk to the creepy hooded man hid from the light, and BAM! Now you are a Death Eater too! You can brag in any pub, restaurant, friend's house and even in the Ministry of Magic!   


The Voldie, Inc. is the only magical company to pay with Gold Credit Card, the galleon card(1), accepted in any working Gringotts near you! Alongside your Gold Credit Card you will also receive a magnificent uniform to distinguish you from any loser, blood traitor, mudblood, halfblood, muggle, etc! And with your fabulous uniform you will get a name tag so the Great CEO can remember your name.

And it isn't only that! Calling now you can receive a travel to France entirely free! But only until the end of this show! Repeating: Only until the end of this show! France is a great place to be, it's calm, beautiful and romantic. And therefore you can win some status around the Magnanimous CEO enlisting the Giants to the cause of the noble Voldie, Inc. What are you waiting? Call your fireplace naw and contact us! Also on the internet, in the case you are a nasty halfblood dumb enough to try. Our URL is: www dot u r so done u dumb mudblood dot com!

When calling our fireplace, which address is flashing magically, duh, in front of you, ask about how to acquire the ultra fashion Death Eater ID tattoo. It's beautiful and practical! And you won't be in need to carry your uniform all around. After all, when you'll be enjoying your paid vacation in some Latin country for exile it would be awkward to use your amazing fashionly uniform at the beach! Thinking in that the Awesome CEO created this mark with an ultra super duper modern design so you can wear it anywhere.

We can understand your concern to get into the most awesome, amazing and incredible company that ever existed. So, we gathered a few testimonies from people whom got their entire life changed by Voldie, Inc.:

"Hi, I'm Lucius Malfoy and I had a big problem, I couldn't cross the street no matter what. But then I got into Voldie, Inc.  and today I can happily cross the street to torture some muggles. Awesome!"

"My name is Bellatrix Lestrange and I'm very thankful to Voldie, Inc. because before it, I couldn't take my kids to school, because I don't have kids! But now I can go to school torture some mudblood even without having kids, all thanks to Voldie, Inc. It's A-MA-ZING!"

Be like Malfoy and Lestrange you too! Be a Death Eater! And you can still be in time to participate in the VolVol Lottery! Mister Wormtail (who chose not to give his real name because he is pretending to be dead) already won an amazing and awesome Silver Hand! Mister Malfoy won a lifetime amnesty from the Ministry of Magic, a partner of Voldie, Inc. Come you too to the only growing company in times of war!

 

_ And we are back to a regular schedule. _

**Author's Note:**

> (1) This is a joke that only works in Portuguese, I'm sorry. The joke here is, in place of Gold Credit Card, Ourocard, a common credit card from here. Card (Cartão) and Galleon (Galeão) rhymes in Portuguese too.  
> Also I'm not that familiar with USA or British work laws. And I'm impressed you guys seem not to have the thirteenth month payment (I may be wrong). In the end, this fic didn't came out that good in English. But I translated anyway.


End file.
